On Losing My Best Friend

September has been one hell of a month.

In four short weeks I managed to wreck my car and lose my best friend.

The car can be fixed.

But the pain of losing someone so close to my heart cannot.

It's a long story and unfortunate in more ways than I can articulate. And the saddest part is, I'll never know the true reason why she chose to drop out. Friends for 20 years, you'd think I merit an explanation. But I'll never understand...

Because I was there for her wedding - as her maid of honor, standing by her side as she married the man she dated for many years. ON THE BEACH.

I was the one who put on a bridal shower - with no help from family or friends.

I was the one who shelled out money I did not have - just to see her smile.

If I had to quantify what I invested in her happiness....well, I won't do that for sake of my own sanity.

As I share my pitiful story with others I'm beginning to realize that if a friend isn't happy on account of your own happiness, are they a friend at all?

Nope. Not at all.

This little realization is the only thing bringing me peace right now.

I have nothing else to say on this subject.